I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
