It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize