im six kinds of drunk right now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
