how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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