smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
