I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
