we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
