What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
