dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
