quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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