His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i black out too much to be "responsible"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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