Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's shark week go big or go home
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
