Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Congratulations! We have a period
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