i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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