dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i will never coherently bang her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
