I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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