is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
