I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
