You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
