none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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