Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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