I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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