Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
