ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
