i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
