Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
