The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
