I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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