Michael Bay diarrhea
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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