This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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