chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk is a universal language darling
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