so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just pee around me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
