Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
