You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
