Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
