Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
