his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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