what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
