True but thats because hes a fetus.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
