how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
