Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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