Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
