If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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