I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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