laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
