JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
