Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize