Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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