that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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