She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize