we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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