Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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