Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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