I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
