I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
