i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish my penis had a tongue
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
