well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
