Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Actions speak louder than pants.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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