i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
