did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
