Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
