Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
