I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
