god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
