she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
