I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize