He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
