My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
