i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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