Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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