so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you didnt know i had herpes?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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