It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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