Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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