Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
