I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
