oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
