My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
